Okay With Never Enough

These past few weeks have been much of a blur…doctor appointments and tests, followed by a hospital stay for my dad; the first women’s ministry event under my leadership as campus coordinator; teaching at another campus; trying to determine the cause of the water in my basement and getting it fixed; receiving the news that my daughter has been scheduled for another knee surgery (this will be the third in four years); getting dad back home and settled and continuing to check in and care for him, participating in the wedding of a close friend; and preparing to teach Vacation Bible School. All this in addition to the regular rhythms of life.

To say that I’m tired is an understatement. My mind and my heart face the whelming flood of so many emotions: fear as well as excitement, anticipation as well as frustration, sadness as well as joy. My body runs full speed ahead to accomplish all that must be done until I fall into bed at night utterly exhausted. I am painfully aware that I am completely inadequate to handle all this. I’m not wise enough to ask the right questions or knowledgeable enough to know how to fix things. I’m not strong enough, experienced enough, patient enough or prepared enough.

I am simply not enough.

I know that compared to the issues many of you are facing, my weeks have been nothing more than a multitude of minor frustrations. I also know that often it’s the building chaos of normal life that steals our joy and saps our strength, leaving us feeling discouraged at best and defeated at worst. The enemy works hard to remind me of other times I haven’t been enough. When my tears were interpreted as incompetency; when my insensitive words wounded my child; when my differing opinion caused someone to end a friendship.

But in the midst of all Satan’s snarky accusations, the voice of God breaks through, assuring me that it’s not my job to be enough. In fact, I was never made to be enough. The rising waters that threaten to pull me under and suck the life right out of me are designed to point me to the One who preserves my life, the One who is and who will always be enough. God sees me. He knows me. He provides for me. He is the all- sufficient One.

I see so clearly in my own weakness how desperately I need Jesus. I cry out to Him, begging Him to intercede and show up on my behalf. And He always comes through for me. His presence surrounds me. His strength sustains me. His arms carry me and all the anxieties of my heart. He delights in me as I cling to Him. The joy of the Lord truly is the strength that empowers me to do what God has called me to do. The peace that comes in not only knowing, but at the same time experiencing His grace to be sufficient for me is unexplainable. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I will undoubtedly need to preach this truth to myself day after day after day after day, because I am so quick to forget. But there is freedom is realizing that I will never be enough…and that it’s okay… because my Jesus is.