Very Hard Beautiful
This is a week I have been anticipating and dreading at the same time. Holidays- holy days set aside for celebration and remembrance of so many things. A special evening for our family to gather, probably for the last time, around Dad’s table, knowing his chair at the head would be empty. A needed time to come together, reminisce, celebrate, laugh, and cry in remembrance and honor. Other family traditions continue as normal. Church and food and gifts and the noise and joys of Christmas. All the while my insides scream that it’s not normal. Everything very different this year.
A host of emotions this season. Excitement mixed with dread. Joy in the midst of sorrow. The collision of hurt and healing, of tears and laughter. All these hard and holy things that make up this abundant life. And I realize that this is why the Christ- child came: to flip the norms upside down. To bring hope in what seems otherwise hopeless; to bring joy in the deepest grief; to bring peace to the unsettled heart; to bring a love the world had never known. The Word becoming flesh and dwelling among us, as one of us, is what makes it possible to see light in the darkness, to know peace that passes all understanding, to find strength in vulnerability. Because He has come. Immanuel, God with us.
In some ways, I feel as though I’m missing the magnitude of this gift because my heart feels so heavy. But I also feel as if I’m experiencing the power of this gift in the deepest parts of my soul in a way I never have before. In the busyness of the season, we’ve created time to collectively climb into Abba’s lap, just to be loved- His beloved; to be held and behold. To be held by His strength in the gentlest way and to behold all that He is: our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Those aren’t just familiar words; not just another verse I memorized years ago.
This is who God is, who He has been to me in this very hard beautiful Christmas season. The One whose Son came to live and die the very hard beautiful, redemptive plan of God. The One who gives me a grateful heart, even in the midst of the very hard beautiful.
