Blog
Very Hard Beautiful
This is a week I have been anticipating and dreading at the same time. Holidays- holy days set aside for celebration and remembrance of so many things. A special evening for our family to gather, probably for the last time, around Dad’s table, knowing his chair at the head would be empty. A needed time to come together, reminisce, celebrate, laugh, and cry in remembrance and honor. Other family traditions continue as normal. Church and food and gifts and the noise and joys of Christmas. All the while my insides scream that it’s not normal. Everything very different this year.
Making Space To Receive Grace
So tired. Utterly exhausted. Emotionally spent. It’s been 34 days. And I’m realizing that this body and soul fatigue is not just about grief. It’s about the fact that life keeps right on moving. It doesn’t offer any time to process what’s happened, no time to catch my breath or adjust to this new normal. So I’ve been trying to navigate these deep waters as I also try to keep up with the responsibilities of being a wife, mom, employee, ministry leader, sister, daughter, friend. The truth is that I feel like I’m drowning. It may look on the outside like I’m keeping my head above water, but on the inside I’m taking in water and flailing wildly, and most people don’t even notice.