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Christ In Me

Yesterday I was out running errands, and as I was leaving Target I noticed a man near the intersection. He had a white beard and was wearing a coat with a hood, standing in the freezing rain, holding a sign that read “homeless vet.” As I approached the light, it turned green, so I continued to move forward. As I passed the man, we made eye contact, something I always avoid in those situations. His eyes were bright blue, but what I saw there broke me a little. I saw pain. I saw need. I saw a plea for help. But I kept going.

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Bring The Rain

Camp Manitoqua was my happy place. I spent weeks of several consecutive summers attending and then serving at summer camp. I still describe those experiences as heaven on earth. I distinctly remember one night sitting outside in a wooded area. I was leaning against a rock with my Bible open in my lap. This time alone with God was an important camp discipline. God met me there that night, His Word coming alive in my soul once again. As I sat there reading and praying, God opened the heavens and rain poured out of the sky. I lifted my head and stretched out my arms, welcoming the rain, and allowing the Holy Spirit of God to wash over me, powerfully reminding me of His presence and His faithfulness.

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Bust Outta The Box

I grew up with the message, “You can do anything you set your mind to…(as long as it fits into this box).” Of course that last part wasn’t spoken out loud, but was very much the expectation. I’m learning that I’m not alone. I’ve discovered that many women through the years have struggled and continue to struggle with knowing how to honor God in the church and in the world today (take some time to watch the above link). For many years, I made myself fit into that box, not realizing just how bruised I’d become. It actually wasn’t until recently that I began to really recognize my continuing internal struggle.

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Righteous Reminders

I recently taught a Bible study lesson on Hebrews 8, which outlines why the new covenant Jesus ushered in is better the covenant of the Old Testament. Under the old covenant, repeated sacrifices were necessary to atone for sin. Each sacrificial offering was a reminder of sin, but none had the power to effectively remove it. Then comes Jesus, whose perfect sacrifice provides full covering and complete remission from all our sins.

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The Journey Continues…

“Then sings my soul, my Savior, God to Thee…” I had barely gotten through the first line of that song when the tears started to come. Quickly recognizing the song as one we sang at my dad’s funeral, one of my boys whispered, “Did you bring any tissues?” They know me too well. I almost always get emotional during Sunday morning worship. But today the tears flowed fast, hard, and without restraint.

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Like An Amaryllis - Take 1
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Like An Amaryllis - Take 1

I bought an amaryllis for the first time this winter after hearing Christy Nockels sing the song she wrote simply titled “Amaryllis.” I immediately resonated with the message of the song, and have listened to it repeatedly since then. If you haven’t already done so, please click on the link above and be blessed as well…

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Life On Purpose

Another birthday has come and gone…usually I don’t think too much about turning a year older. After all, it’s just a number, right? But once in a while it hits me. When I turned 40, I really began to ask myself some hard questions about who I was and what I was doing with my life. I even asked the Facebook world to share three words that came to mind when they thought of me.

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Beloved
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Beloved

I did something today I never thought I would do: I got a tattoo! This might be quite a shock to some who know me. I’m actually a little surprised by it myself. But here’s the thing: I finally know who I am in a way that has impacted the deepest parts of my soul. And I don’t ever want to forget.

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Disciplined Life

Discipline is my word for 2019. My overall goal for this year is to live a better disciplined life; a better spiritually disciplined life, which I know will lay a solid foundation for all areas of discipline. Spiritual disciplines are defined by Brett and Kate McKay as “habits, practices and experiences that are designed to develop, grow and strengthen the ‘muscles’ of one’s character and expand the breadth of one’s inner life. They structure the ‘workouts’ which train the soul.” This goes right along with 1 Timothy 4:7-8: Train yourself for godliness, for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

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Very Hard Beautiful

This is a week I have been anticipating and dreading at the same time. Holidays- holy days set aside for celebration and remembrance of so many things. A special evening for our family to gather, probably for the last time, around Dad’s table, knowing his chair at the head would be empty. A needed time to come together, reminisce, celebrate, laugh, and cry in remembrance and honor. Other family traditions continue as normal. Church and food and gifts and the noise and joys of Christmas. All the while my insides scream that it’s not normal. Everything very different this year.

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The Empty Chair In A Full Life

Last weekend we celebrated my nephew’s 4th birthday. We drove to Michigan, the kids excited to see their cousins again. Vibrant colors and a fire truck theme decorated the kitchen. Family and friends filled the house. The place was buzzing with the sound of conversations, the popping of popcorn in the microwave, kids chasing each other, and a football game on TV. After singing Happy Birthday, blowing out candles and eating cake, it was present time. Conversations and football continued as we sat around and watched this excited little boy tear the wrapping off the gifts with giggles of delight at the discovery of new toys.

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Making Space To Receive Grace

So tired. Utterly exhausted. Emotionally spent. It’s been 34 days. And I’m realizing that this body and soul fatigue is not just about grief. It’s about the fact that life keeps right on moving. It doesn’t offer any time to process what’s happened, no time to catch my breath or adjust to this new normal. So I’ve been trying to navigate these deep waters as I also try to keep up with the responsibilities of being a wife, mom, employee, ministry leader, sister, daughter, friend. The truth is that I feel like I’m drowning. It may look on the outside like I’m keeping my head above water, but on the inside I’m taking in water and flailing wildly, and most people don’t even notice.

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Satisfied And Sheltered By The Most High

As soon as I read the title of the funeral message, I knew it was perfect: Satisfied and Sheltered by the Most High. In the midst of all that was happening in the earthly realm, I imagined what was simultaneously happening in the spiritual realm at the moment of death. I envision Jesus waiting at heaven’s gate, knowing exactly when Dad would arrive. In an instant, I see God the Father taking Dad into His arms in full embrace, holding him tightly to His chest. I hear Him whisper, “Welcome home, son.” I see Jesus bearing his full weight, just as He did on the cross, when Dad collapses in relief and rest, fully alive, satisfied and sheltered by the Most High God.

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The Journey Begins

Can I just be real here? Wait, let me rephrase- I am going to be real here…this whole grief thing – it just sucks! There’s no getting around that, no way to sugar coat the depth of pain I feel in losing my dad. Authenticity is a big deal to me, so to walk through something like this feeling like I have to have “the good Christian” answer or the “right” response is simply not going to cut it. I have to say what I feel and allow myself to actually feel it.

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Tribute To My Dad

I lost my dad a week ago. These past several days have been a blur, and my mind is in a fog. I’ve known for a while now that I would want to speak at his service. But when the idea of doing so became a reality, I didn’t know what to say. Thoughts and memories flooded my mind as I remembered and reminisced with family and friends. In the twelve hours before the service, I sat before the Lord and begged Him to bring it together for me…

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Not A Ninja

With summer quickly coming to an end, our family recently spent an afternoon at a family fun park. I was expecting to see go-karts and bumper boats and arcade games, but I was surprised to also see a ninja warrior course. Granted, it looked rather simple compared to what I’ve watched on TV. But still, there it was, right before my eyes. I was strangely intrigued by it. I watched. I studied. I started to think maybe I could do it. This was strange because I’m not exactly in the greatest shape of my life, I don’t consider myself a risk-taker, and I am certainly not one who thrives as the center of attention.

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Okay With Never Enough

These past few weeks have been much of a blur…doctor appointments and tests, followed by a hospital stay for my dad; the first women’s ministry event under my leadership as campus coordinator; teaching at another campus; trying to determine the cause of the water in my basement and getting it fixed; receiving the news that my daughter has been scheduled for another knee surgery (this will be the third in four years); getting dad back home and settled and continuing to check in and care for him, participating in the wedding of a close friend; and preparing to teach Vacation Bible School. All this in addition to the regular rhythms of life.

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Let’s Get Real

I’ve often heard “the struggle is real,” but how often are we real about the struggle? How often are we willing to admit we actually don’t have it all together, that we are really just figuring it out as we go? How often do we make ourselves vulnerable, willing to risk appearing weak in the eyes of others?

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Indelibly Marked

It was a warm, sunny Saturday in May, the sixteenth to be exact. I was just a few weeks away from finishing my seventh grade year. That morning I was wearing a pair of shorts and a Mickey Mouse t-shirt. While white Keds with no laces was a fashion trend at the time, I believe I wore my lace up tennis shoes that day. I was among a group of junior high students and teachers eagerly anticipating the annual school bike hike. I was ready to ride my red Schwinn ten-speed some 15 miles from school to Lemon Lake County Park. We would enjoy a picnic lunch and a fun afternoon at the park before making the trek back to school.

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Soul-Satisfying Sunday

As the devil continues to taunt the silent Savior, the ground begins to tremble. At first a quiet rumbling, but growing with intensity until it erupts in violent shaking, pushing away the stone. Satan’s sneer turns to fear as Jesus begins to move. Evil falls down as the Good Shepherd stands up. Darkness is exposed as the Light of the World is restored. Lies are obliterated as Truth is revealed.

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